Quadruple Over Time

I remember only 3 games in my whole rugby career that went past double over time. I think we won one and lost two, but truthfully I don't remember. I do remember most distinctly the feeling as the whistle blew after the second extra 10 minutes of brutalizing tie- I had just drug myself out through sore ankles, seperated ribs or shoulders, and a horde of bruises who had all decided that they should invite their friends the scratches over to hang out on my torso and thighs.

I remember wanting to cry and lay down. I remember having no more competative edge left in me. Wanting the score to be left as a tie, because, haven't we all earned it? and why can't we just have a few beers and celebrate how valiant we were?

But all three times I had too much pride, too many dreams, too much of my mother in me, and too many teammates to lay down or quit when I knew the outcome hardly mattered to me. If I had been alone there is no doubt to me that I would have conceded it all for some calm. However, since being born into my family, I don't think I have ever been alone.

All three times I returned to the hudle and leaned on those around me for support as they leaned back and I forced words out to let everyone know that we didn't quit til it was over, and we don't get to choose when it ends, we only get to choose how hard we fight. Nearly everyone echoed similar sentiments and smiled at how brave we were. Despite how much talking when you want to cry from pain and fatigue feels like lieing, I still believe in what we said.

Now, I have finished my final TAKS test. I don't have the results. But I have the marks and the wear and tear and the extra dose of gravity urging me to lay down. But i have a team full of co-teachers and students and a long list of lives for which this isn't even the first quarter, let alone half time, or over time.

So, I have to return to the huddle and find my students and invest them in a game they want to trade for summer vacation. I need to invest them in knowledge that has nothing to do with TAKS tests and teach them to keep going when all they have energy to do is beat each other up and scream. And I need to somehow prove that I have more energy than they do. Because the whistle blows again on Monday and after all we don't quit til it was over, and we don't get to choose when it ends, we only get to choose how hard we fight.

And if it never ends then we learn to smile deeper than we ever thought possible, lean on each other, and try to enjoy it- because after all we got ourselves into this beautiful mess.